Spiritual Battle

03.14.09 / Satans Devastation(In Fontana)I wish I never hurt at first (AW). I hate to leave my seed father less, but God or I can't heal myself. I continue to go full circle to my sad place without healing. I tried to love, but the love is UN returned (JG). I try and try, but get slapped in the face. Even though I'm 100 better, I still get broken down without being uplifted. I come to the realization, there is really no reason for my to be on this earth any longer. I really have no true purpose to... I know all this sounds contradictory, but it's my life’s truth. Only God understands where my heart is right now, I don't expect you to. Whatever the case, I do love you and apologize if I have be a inconvenience in your lives and no longer being here for you all esp my son. (Job, Associates, Stranger... Etc.)

*Please forgive me because God has*

03.14.09 / God’s RenovationGod broke it down to me this way so I can understand how Serious HE IS. (In Victorville)

Gods said.... I am so jealous right now; do not put anything before me. You were putting a woman before me. "Just as you love, make love to her and feel that euphoria. You need to have that euphoric feeling for me 20 times over daily. (He said, still have and make love to her that you love, but make your Love for me Your Creator FAR Greater) Since you are not fully toward my face. You will be exposed, have a untamed tough and be made a spectacle of by Satan and in front of your peers. So that they may have the opportunity to cast harsh judgment against you.

I fully did not know what he meant by that until I spoke with my girl friend. (In Rialto)

He meant, the exposure (peers seeing crazy type behaviors) untamed (acting and saying things I don't mean) and spectacle (making a fool out of myself) all in the form of Rejection. I did not know how to handle being rejected. Again, I have never been rejected before by anyone in my entire life. When I was rejected, I did not know how to react, but in rage. When it happened time and time again the rage worsens. So, I not was having the full armor and protection of God on to deflect Satan’s devastating blows. Satan used those very negative behaviors and actions to cause destruction and chaos in my life. All the while, have the people around me; to view me in a side way manner. Especially, the ones that do not personally know the REAL ME.

God also said, I am non restrictive; very versatile and always perfect. I don't expect you to be 100%. I do expect you love me, put nothing before me and love your fellow man that I created to co-exsists with you. Because, how can you love me who you can't see, but hate your co-exsister? So, when time for us to meet... "We won't." Also, "I won't let you leave. You have to do some work for me, with the understanding you have instilled with in you."

God, I love you, I submit to you and thank you for giving me understandings and breakdowns that people 20 years into you still can't grasp. Faithfully seeking you Lord and Unconditional Love in the Heart for ALL is the Key to the success in you Father!